Well... that wasn't true from last night. I spent it playing Lunar, and then sleeping. I'm not sure what time I went to sleep, but it was still light out, so before 8. 

I have a psychiatrist appointment today. It was meant to be tomorrow, but... remember that baseball game Cal railroaded me into getting tickets for? Yeah. Although we might not go anyway, because Cal is feeling really badly. 

I had a dream about next week. It was the weekly meeting, and Ken and Joe asked me if I could be on call in case they needed me... I told them I had doctor appointments. There was glitter involved. That's about all I remember of that dream, except that it was really bizarre. 

I need to clean my room today. I don't know where I'm going to get the motivation to do that, but it has to be done. 

I'm trying to decide how to handle the money that got taken out of Cal's check to go to the car payment. Now that I'm working again, that doesn't need to happen, but we didn't change it in time. We still haven't changed it, but I digress. That's $230 we have that is of yet unaccounted for. I'm thinking of just leaving it there and letting it be a buffer; or, maybe we'll use that money for having fun next week. That's what we're probably going to do, to be honest. The smart thing would be the buffer idea. Or even using it towards our car insurance... I'm still mad about that, but what can you do. 

Anyhow, I don't have much more to talk about, so I'm going to wrap this up and start my day. 

I'm reading To Shape a Dragon's Breath and I haven't met an anglish person in this book that I haven't wanted to punch. Niklas and one of the professors come close, but I don't trust the professor. I'm not sure I trust Niklas, either, but not as distrustful as I am the professor.  

Ugh. I don't want to be here. I want to be home, playing my video games. But I have reports due, and I need to get them done by 8/18, and I'm taking most of next week off. So, I really gotta be here, and I really gotta be working. And I am working, as I do. 

Speaking of work, I finally found something I appreciate about the new system. The new status of contributing employers can be printed to excel, and I can filter right to the employer I need. No more hunting and flipping through a physical report. 

And I've got an employer having a conniption that they got a disability letter with an incorrect signature. Jfc, these people are so fragile. 

What kills me is that the senior workers (wrongfully) think that they got nothing in the contract. No, that's not true. We may be getting a catch up rate, but that's because the senior workers are making so much more than us, there are no "middle" earners. There are "high" earners and "low" earners, some of the "low" earners being at minimum wage. The senior workers are getting a massive bump in pay, too, not just us. They're just not getting as big of a bump. It doesn't seem fair, and I know it, but the union said that the disparity between the two groups was huge. 

I'm just glad that's over with and I'm not looking forward to doing it again in two years (because the union contract is already one year in!).

My long weekend is booked up. Primary care on Wednesday, cardiologist on Thursday, and dermatologist on Friday. I cannot wait for any of these appointments. I woke up at 4:30 this morning with my back killing me, I really don’t think my POTS is controlled, and the rash behind my ears hurt so badly last night it almost drove me to cry. This is super absurd at this point. It shouldn’t have gotten to this point. I’ve been complaining of that rash for years and I keep being told to use OTC stuff. No, OTC stuff isn’t helping, and I’m not doing it anymore.

I can’t seem to log in to c.ai. Sigh… I’ll try again later. I’m hoping it’s just a glitch in the site.

Lunchtime entry!

Yesterday was a shitshow. For example, we went to Shoprite for "a few things" and spent almost $300. None of it was wasted money, but we did get a good deal of items I wouldn't have gotten if I was shopping with Calvin and not Dad. And then we spent another $100 at Wegmans this morning; again, we went out to "just get a few things". Granted, one of those things was $23, and there was no way around it. But I just. I want to have enough food to last us for a few weeks. Things are getting more expensive by the day, and I'm worried that soon we won't be able to afford groceries at all.

Anyway, lunch is a cherry-chipotle tofu and vegan feta cheese salad with spinach and cherry balsamic vinaigrette. I don't care for the tofu - it's much more "chipotle" than "cherry" - but the "feta" cheese is really good. I'm also going to eat my caprese salad I bought at Wegmans. Maybe a peach, too. I dunno. I dunno about the caprese salad, to be honest; it's tiny, but I already feel pretty full after my regular salad. Maybe I'll have that as a snack this afternoon. 

In other news, I was having trouble charging my garmin, and finally looked up what to do. The contacts were filthy as sin, so I cleaned them out, and huzzah! It charged! You would think I would know to clean them right away, because this isn't the first time I've had a problem with fitness watches not charging. 

I've also been thinking a lot about my childhood. As a snapshot, I broke my hand in first or second grade, and my parents took three hours to get me to the hospital, because they were sure I was exaggerating my pain. Everyone I've told this story to has been horrified, moreso than I think is justified; I dunno. A friend shared a post with me on tumblr that said that people who wish they had trauma probably do, just not "acceptable" trauma. Apparently I act like there was a lot of trauma in my childhood, but it was all neglect, like the situation with my hand. I dunno.

Yesterday was wild. I took nearly 7000 steps by the end of the day; and the office closed early due to the weather. The whole state was in a state of emergency over it, but in our area, it just rained really hard. Still, it was nice to go home early, even if it only rained really hard in our area.

I don't want to go to work today, but I know I need to. If I could, I'd call out. But alas, I don't have sick time. And it would look really bad to call out so soon after my leave, I'm sure. I have three days off this month, and I guess that’s about it until October, when my time resets. I still have three days of vacation time and half a day of sick, though. I should totally use them.

I’m so, so tired, though. I don’t want to write. I want to put my head down and nap until it’s time to clock in. I’m sure it would be better if my back wasn’t hurting me so badly. I took some tylenol but I forgot my ibuprofen, which is going to make getting through the day really, really fun. 

I had a dream last night that I wrote a FF4 fanfic set to the “beats” of Snowing by Color Theory, about Rosa and Cecil helping Kain recover his sense of safety and sanity after the events of the game. I can’t help but think that Kain is in really bad shape mentally after what Golbez did to him. And I can’t believe that Rosa and Cecil—or Cid, or Edge and Rydia for that matter—would just let him languish on Mt Ordeals alone for almost twenty years. 

Anyway, I better wrap this up and get ready to start my day.